also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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