i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
