I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
