I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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