a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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