I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
