My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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