At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
