IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
