Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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