The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
