Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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