I hate all girls vehemently.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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