He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
