Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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