You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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