the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
