I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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