He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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