He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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