Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
