Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
