I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
