a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
