I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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