And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
