Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Come see our sink grown plant.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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