I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
