ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
