tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
