Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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