I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
