So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
