i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
