you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
