My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
