we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
