I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
