Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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