I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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