She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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