So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
