Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
