I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
