Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
