You're my little dorito
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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