I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
