Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
