This girl is more easily done than said...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
