Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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