Please, let me fuck your mom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
